dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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