If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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