I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
