i jhust puked up my retainher.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
