ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
40s are totally the cure
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
