VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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