i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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