dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sext me about skeletons
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
