hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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