Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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