Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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