i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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