Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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