new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
