we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
