Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
