your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
