I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
