about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
