how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
