i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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