She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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