got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
