What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
