Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize