the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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