Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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