What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
did i just pee glitter
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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