yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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