I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
