Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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