You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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