I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
