i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We have started to decorate penises.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
