do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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