i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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