gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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