when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
