like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
