If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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