YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
