someone get that fucking seahorse.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
