i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
not ubering you a puppy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
