Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
