Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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