His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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