I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
