Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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