may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
