Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
