he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just invented taco cereal.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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