My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
