she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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