70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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