At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize