Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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