Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
