see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
