You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
