pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
