You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize