He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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