Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
