His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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