This dress was meant to end up on your floor
where am i from again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
