I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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