the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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