i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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